On The Inside January 2024
Welcome to the new year, and welcome back to our work. Thank you for being a part of our circle. I’ve spent most of this last month leading with a question,
How does healing happen?
This question came up when I was discussing the war in Gaza, and how so many of us are in pain, suffering grief, and great loss. I was sitting across from a student of ours in her retirement home and I asked her this question. Her response astounded me, below is a fragment of the words she later emailed me that she agreed to share here-
"I think all her life my mother was living inside a small prison cell because she felt ashamed of being violated sexually by either or both of these male relatives. She felt she could tell no one – because she had to protect them and because she felt guilty, that something she had done, or worse, something she WAS had caused the male violations.
As I got older, I realized she trusted no one – except maybe me on a good day. After her most serious heart attack, when it was unclear whether she would survive, I remember talking to her as she lay on a gurney in a large open space. She smiled (or maybe even laughed) as she said she wished I could go with her (to the other side of death). She was not kidding. I was astounded; now I realize how isolated from everyone else she felt – and how terrified she was of standing trial on the other side. Then I just laughed and said I couldn’t do that. What was in my mind was how selfish she was, after all the time and love I had given her - to want me to leave my husband, to leave the rest of my life (I was only 48) for her.
But what stands out for me now is not her selfishness, but her desperate isolation. I can see her wanting me to stand with her before the Sistine throne of God, to protect her from damnation, to put in a good word for her.
At this moment I am overwhelmed by her lifelong silent suffering. This could be one way healing happens.”
I thought about our conversation as I drove home, and then continued to ask this same question to more folks in our classes inside prison facilities and outside prison facilities over the next week. Below are a collection of responses from those in our circle, over ten individuals share their thoughts on how healing happens here:
“It has to begin on the inside, of you, and maybe it begins in prison, when you are forced to be with yourself."
"Healing happens when I trust truth instead of my feelings and instead of who I want to be, but am not yet. Anxiety is stifled when I cease trying to dictate and control out of fear and self-preservation. Healing happens when my fears are demolished by the hope of the Creator's love… the mindful, humble acceptance of the truth of Their love for me. I can see clearly when I quit striving for self and relinquish the reins. I surrender to a powerful and beautiful Creator instead of accusing Them of indifference by allowing terrible things to happen and thinking that they hate me. Healing begins when I know that I am completely loved in spite of my “goodness” and/or “badness”. I allow my earthly self to die in order to walk in the Spirit of True Love.``
“Healing happens through an investigation of our own interior lives and an exploration and conversation with others who travel this life. It happens with acceptance and reflection, and with friendship and self-love.”
“Healing happens when we feel the depth of our pain and are willing-even before we are able- to release it and allow love to meet us there.”
“Healing happens when you practice sitting in the uncomfortable of letting others down so you never abandon yourself.”
“Healing happens over time, with a gradual softening, a slow unclenching, an optimism that the hurt won’t be repeated, and a delicate release of the fear that it will."
“Healing happens through a combination of applied effort-to unpack what happened, to metabolize the trauma, to digest the lessons, to discard what isn’t useful- and time. The most important part of the process is to turn the pain into something meaningful, useful, and perhaps even beautiful."
“Healing happens when you say: no, I don’t it like that now. Then repeat. Forever."
“Healing happens by forgiving.
Healing happens understanding you have done the best you could with the available resources around you,then-
Healing happens by talking openly about your choices
Healing happens once you decide to love yourself first.”
“Any loss causes people to grieve. The loss comes with immense shame, anger, bitterness, pain, sense of guilt, sense of worthlessness, disillusion and aggravation.
Healing is very gradual, sometimes steady and often erratic because of mixed emotions that are triggered by anything and everything that reminds one or us of our loss and pain.
Help in the form of a Counselor or professional people like On The Inside to offer help in order for healing to take place.”
As we move more deeply into 2024, I invite you to reflect on this question in your own communities. One thing I learnt about myself in a recent class is that for myself, healing is closely connected to hope, a cousin if you will. In order for me to seek healing, I have to believe and hope for change. My hope in this new year is that you will join us in circle- get to know our work more fully by taking a class series, and if you have participated in our class series maybe we will see you for one of our biweekly or monthly groups. Our work continues to change me and fill me with reasons to heal, I hope you will make the space to heal with us this year.
-with awe and admiration for the time you invest with us here,
Nikki
Founder & Executive Director
*Human BEING November 2023 at Coffee Creek Correctional Facility
Don’t sit on the outside of our circle:
1.Sign up for our 2024 class series (offered 4 times throughout the year), then join our monthly circle after completing our four class series.
2.Become a monthly donor to sustain and build our work.
3.Share our work through your social media platforms to build our collective awareness.
“Now I can see how far I’ve come. The dust has settled.”
-Coffee Creek Correctional Facility 2023
Your actions matter. Your words matter. How you show up matters.
Much love and gratitude for your ongoing support,
Nikki Weaver
Caroline Cox
De Bolton
Jennifer Chapman
Atieno Bird
-The Dream Team
Facilities we currently serve at:
-Coffee Creek Correctional Facility, since 2018, this is where Caroline and I met and began our work
-Nebraska Correctional Center for Women, since 2021
-Wyoming Women’s Center, since 2021
-Wyoming Women’s Center: Youth Offenders, since 2023
-Women’s Eastern Reception Diagnostic and Correctional Center in Missouri, since 2023
-Virginia Correctional Center for Women, since 2023
*We lead weekly and monthly classes at these facilities led by our two person facilitator teams, and monthly classes for caseworkers at some of these facilities.
*Wyoming Women’s Center, September 2023
Announcing our 2024 Monthly Group Gatherings (2 hours on Zoom)-
**all monthly group meetings are 12pm-2 pm PT/3pm-5 pm ET
Saturday Jan 6 HOPE
Tuesday Feb 6 LET’S GET SEXY
Thursday March 7 AGILITY
Tuesday April 2 TRUTH
Tuesday May 7 CREATIVITY
Saturday June 1 JOURNEYS
Thursday July 11 SHADOW WORK
Tuesday August 6 LOVE
Sunday September 1 COURAGE
Monday October 7 FLEXIBILITY
Thursday November 7 VALUES
Saturday December 7 HOPE
**all monthly meetings are 12pm-2 pm PST/1-3pm MST/2-4pmCST/3pm-5 pm EST/9-11pm Zimbabwe and Croatia/5-7am Australia + a day
SIGNATURE FOUR CLASS SERIES-
Our four class series is a great way to become a part of our work, learn about the class structure, create with us, and build community. Each class occurs over Zoom so you can participate from anywhere. Every class you can expect to: share, create, receive, and learn as we make work that goes into our facilities and work from our inside students is shared with us.
*We only offer our outside class series 4 times a year, these fill up FAST so connect with us to register today. Please confirm which series you would like to join.
2024 Four Class Series (2 hours on Zoom)-
Thursdays January 4, 11, 18, and 25
Saturdays March 2, 9, 16, and 23
Thursdays September 5,12, 19, and 26
Saturdays October 5,12,19, and 26
**all classes are 12pm-2 pm PST/1-3pm MST/2-4pmCST/3pm-5 pm EST/9-11pm Zimbabwe and Croatia/5-7am Australia + a day
This series is co-led by Caroline Cox, Project Manager at On The Inside, and Nikki Weaver Founder.
Zoom links and instructions are sent out after payment is made. We offer a sliding scale and full scholarships too, all you need to do is connect us. Payment can be made right here. Please connect with us if you would like to join our next class series and specify which four classes you would like to attend. The work builds upon itself so it is essential that you prioritize attending all four sessions. You can join our four week class series, and then continue on in our monthly class by signing up here.
2024 Bi- Weekly Support Group Meeting Dates (60 mins on ZOOM)-
Tuesday January 2nd
Tuesday January 16th
Tuesday January 30th
Tuesday February 13th
Tuesday February 27th NO CLASS
Tuesday March 5th
Tuesday March 19th
Tuesday April 2nd
Tuesday April 16th
Tuesday April 30th
Tuesday May 14th
Tuesday May 28th
Tuesday June 11th
Tuesday June 25th
Tuesday July 9th
Tuesday July 23rd
Tuesday August 6th
Tuesday August 20th
Tuesday September 3rd
Tuesday September 17th
Tuesday October 1st
Tuesday October 15th
Tuesday October 29th
Tuesday November 12th
Tuesday November 26th
Tuesday December 10th
Tuesday December 24th NO CLASS
**all meetings are 5 pm-6 pm PST/ 6-7 pm MST/ 7-8pm CST/ 8 pm-9 pm EST**
Zoom Links are NOT sent out without confirmation on attendance
Email Caroline@ontheinside.space
To confirm attendance and be provided with the ZOOM Link for the Bi- Weekly Support Group
*Human BEING at Coffee Creek Correctional Facility November 2023
“I started to believe that I can survive in this place.”
-Coffee Creek Correctional Facility 2023, current class
OUR MISSION
On The Inside builds a creative connection for incarcerated women, both individually and collectively. We do this by telling our stories, igniting our hearts, and sparking dialogue. Creative connection for a greater good, we create community for women on the inside and outside by breaking down the walls that keep us apart.
The United States houses over 1.3 million incarcerated women.
We aim to change that.
Creativity is what keeps us alive, it is what draws us together. Our stories save us and have the ability to heal us. Healing is both collective and deeply personal. We create shared dialogue by holding a container for women to transform themselves. We do this through creative prompts where each woman has a voice in the room, through exploratory movement, creating a rolodex of emotions to draw from, and boundaries to hold.
We begin.
We create.
We play together.
We share.
We seek closure.
We begin again.
We hold weekly classes to gather in a circle. We create weekly newsletters where women on the outside create work (poetry, art, song) for women on the inside, and the women on the inside do the same. We create living, breathing works of art that move us far beyond the page, beyond the stage, and into a space of embodiment.
BOARD OF DIRECTORS
Dr. Lisa Collins
Reema Zaman
Fungai Mubayiwa
Katie Morell
Caroline Cox
Megan Gaffney
Atieno Bird
Dr. Mercy Nyangulu Nyepudzayi
Jazmin Jimenez
Cindy Lone
Tina Packer
Mia Zara
Marie Gonzalez
Beck Wilschefski
Elena Brower
Together, we stretch four continents wide.
Collectively, we are making a difference by creating together.
You are always invited to join our work, join our collective, join our creative expanding circle.
